Feb 22, 2010

Library World: 1, Me: 0

Oh, my poor little GL blog...so neglected...so sad. That's why I am forever grateful for good friends like Harriet, who point me to articles like this one. There's a new book out about librarians, written by Marilyn Johnson, called "This Book is Overdue"!: Hot for Librarian. Then there's a sub-subtitle: How Librarians and Cybrarians can SAVE US ALL, and a superhero librarian is flying out of a pile of books to do her heroic duty.

This it TOTALLY the book I should've written. Or could've written if I was already a librarian and not a library student with every waking moment eaten up by homework or children or needy pets. Or if I was actually a real writer who could sit down and write an entire book, which is doubtful because I'm getting more and more ADHD as time goes on. (ADHD: Aging, Dragging, Harassed and Droopy.)

But here's the thing: when you read the article, which is an interview with said Johnson, you'll see references to Megabeth, book cart drills, dancing librarians, and subversive librarian blogs like "Society for Librarians Who Say Motherfucker," ALL OF WHICH APPEAR ON THIS BLOG! Plus, she's really interested in the new librarian image, which is what I wanted to showcase with all my Gonnabe Librarian colleagues, but failed miserably at because I'm clearly not a motivating force. (Except I've probably proven that I would be a new librarian, if I was still somewhat new and not old and crotchety. So I guess I'll always be a measly wannabe new librarian, and will have to settle for being one of those sad ancient people who tries to be hip and young and looks like a moron, but has fun anyway. So, score one for me.) Anyway, I could've turned this blog into a book, if I was more enterprising. Take that one point away.

PLUS, Johnson's first book was called Dead Beat, about obituary writing, and I have actually started a blog called O-bitchuaries! I haven't actually posted any yet, because I'm stuck in mulling mode on that one. But keep your eyes peeled! (And if you want to bitch about something and can write it up as an obituary - like the death of your perfect, flat stomach after childbirth, or the death of the grocer's "s", send it to me and I'll stick it on there.) Anyway, I've decided that Johnson is my doppleganger. Maybe I should stalk her.

Speaking of which, Johnson says that librarians have stalkers! WTF?! I don't think I'll have to worry about that, because I'll be an old, creaky, trying-to-look-half-her-age-and-really-looking-like-a-pathetic-shadow-of-her-former-self librarian, and not at all attractive to stalkers. But just in case, here's what I would do if I had a stalker:

1. Shave my head.
2. Wear hockey jerseys.
3. Swear a lot. (Big surprise there.)
4. Get out the Doc Martins.
5. Carry the riding crop that I used in a cabaret show once, when I was a showgirl.

See how I slipped that in? Telling all y'all I was a showgirl, so you'd know I was once young and sexy? I'd post a photo, but that would just make me look desperate.

The upshot? I'm going to buy that book and cry hot tears about lost opportunities. Or at least get in what looks like a really good read.


drfinder1 said...


This is our moment! Cougars are sooooo hot right now! So you take that riding crop, and you go girl!


p.s. maybe you should think about a new librarian uniform, so that you can start a new hot librarian look, sort of like a Catholic girl school uniform sort of thing. Just a thought!

Natalie said...

Well, if librarians attract stalkers, then won't it not matter how you dress or how much you swear? Won't you just attract different stalkers instead? (Probably the creepier ones, no less...)