A Librarian Framed

So I needed a new pair of glasses because I wear my contacts 24/7 and was like, "My eyeballs are going to shrivel up and I'll look like one of those shrunken apple heads, except it'll be like I only shrunk my eyeballs." The girl at the optometrist seemed pretty cool, pretty with it, pretty hip, and I'm a world-class ditherer, so I asked her advice. She immediately pointed to this pair of frames and said they were her favorites, and that they were small so they'd fit my ridiculously narrow face. She didn't say ridiculously. But it is ridiculous.

So I got the glasses and the girl at the checkout counter said they were her favorites, too. So I'm thinking, BOOYAH! I'm cool.

But here's the thing: I TOTALLY look like a librarian now. Then I wondered if they knew, like with ESP or something, that I'm going to library school in the fall, or if maybe they thought I looked like a librarian already, so the glasses complete me. (Now I have to call them Tom Cruise, because in case you were buried under a rock in 1996 and don't know, Rene Zellweger completed him in Jerry Macguire. My family'll just luuuvvvv it when I run around the house yelling, "Where are my Tom Cruise? I can't find my Tom Cruise because I need my Tom Cruise to see where my Tom Cruise are!")

So then I'm like, "I've gotta see if these make anyone look like a librarian, or if those damn women just thought I'm a total nerd and are snickering about selling the crappy librarian glasses to a loser." Here's the test I came up with:

Glasses on a bear










Glasses on a pig

Glasses on my dog









Glasses on me with a cowboy hat

Glasses on a head of lettuce

Yeah. I'm totally ready for library school.